close enough to be your ghost
by hieress
Summary: Between the first weeks he'd been gone and the two hundredth, you've stopped counting the how long it was.


Between the first weeks he'd been gone and the two hundredth, you've stopped counting the how long it was because the numbers and the days and the months and the years started to blur together. Songs and poems you've used to memorize and even _nursery rhymes _start to blur with them and your mind's a whirlwind of words and details and fuck it's all Percy Percy PErcY _NO please stop don't-_

_Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch a pail of water_- and he'd laugh and you'd bonk his head, Percy you are an idiot you're embarrassing me. And he'd sing even louder as a _no fuck you Annabeth I do what I want _but not really, you know.

Because it's you who he'll always listen to but it's also you who he'll always prioritizes in the list of people he'd annoy for the rest of his life (what life he's no life he's broken and bloody arms and decapitated heads that's him.)

You laugh along with him every time.

.

Between the months he'd been gone and the sixtieth, the hope you've been desperately clutching on all this time is starting to slip from your fingers. (This is inevitable, you know, along with a hundred and a million other facts, because they've started slipping way back when you were seven.)

He was the only rock and the only anchor and the string that connects you to this world and your sanity from hopelessness and vulnerability and he had to go _away. _It is probably your fault. This must somehow be the world trying to get back at you for always trying to get what do don't deserve and shouldn't have.

(In your head, you recite a line; _Jack fell down and broke his head-_)

Maybe this was the world getting back everything you shouldn't have but wow fuck it if you're being a little selfish right now, you _deserved _him. He was perfect for you and you were not that perfect for him, maybe but he is perfect for _you. _

This is something you just realized because when your Jack fell down Jill was a little too busy caught up in her own little world to come tumbling after or at least _try _to save him for gods' sake.

.

Between the first year he'd been gone and the fifth, you've learned to cope.

You'd laugh because it's not much of coping really, but don't. You've forgotten what laughter was and how it sounds because the only thing that used to be the source of laughter in your life (not much of a life now, too, to be honest) is also the source of your nightmares and running away from hollow screams.

And also maybe you're a bit too preoccupied right now.

Sometimes you bring home boys with black hair and/or green eyes and/or really dumb sense of humor but it doesn't matter because you know it's not him but you like to think so anyway. You'd never know what his style would've been so you always, always take control. Always.

The boy (black hair and all but his eyes aren't green so you shut your eyes tight) beneath you has his hands on your waist and maybe you say _his _name, just a tiny whimper, but the boy hesitates, if just a bit but you don't care. You keep shifting up and down and-

You chant his name under your breath as waves of pleasure drives over you (because even though you forgot what your father's name was and who were your friends and what was the original color of your hair, you'll never, ever forget _that._)

.

_Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his head, and Jill was too fucking afraid and a bit too stupid for all the praises she gets for her intellect._

.

**A/N**: Whats this. I have no excuse for this. Except that it's been three nights straight since I keep on waking up randomly in the middle of the night and all I can do is listen to Arctic Monkey's Cornerstone bluh I can't sleep and welp. You know what happens.

Anyway. I don't know what's this. AU where they are just plain ol' mortals and Percy got killed? Idk do your thinking.

Also third person narration because our English books are full with them and they are fun and I kinda forgot how to write in first person narration because it started being awkward with me blah abdh


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